The Power of Surrender: Why Resisting Things You Can't Control Creates More Suffering

What if the reason you feel stuck isn’t because you’re lost—but because you’re resisting what's already happening?

When life starts to shift in ways we don’t expect, our first instinct is often to hold on tighter. To fight. To resist. To try and regain control.

But what if the very act of holding on is the thing creating your suffering?

I’ve been there. I’ve felt the discomfort of uncertainty, the pull to control the uncontrollable, the frustration of wanting stability when everything around me was changing.

And then, during meditation, a thought hit me like a lightning bolt:

👉 "You don’t feel grounded because the ground is shifting. And it will continue to do so for a while. Stop resisting it. Shift with it, and you’ll experience the flow."

That message took me back to a memory.

The Day I Fought the Ocean (And Lost)

I was on a boat with my family in the Philippines. The water was beautiful, the sun was shining, and the boat came to a stop so people could swim, enjoy the view, and be in the moment. I stayed onboard. I didn’t want to deal with getting wet, changing my clothes, or feeling cold on the ride back. Then, suddenly, I started feeling incredibly nauseous. Despite taking motion sickness medication, I felt worse by the minute.

The ocean swell rocked the boat up and down, and I white-knuckled the railing, trying to will the motion away. And then, my brother-in-law gave me a solution I didn’t believe would work:

"If you get in the water, it’ll make you feel better."

I looked at my family swimming—watching the ocean lift them up and down. It made me even more nauseous just looking at them.

Me: "How is that going to help? Look at them—they’re bobbing all over the place!"
Him: "Trust me. I fish all the time. It’ll help, I promise."

I was skeptical. But I was also desperate. So I grabbed a life jacket, slid into the water…And within moments—the nausea disappeared. The moment I stopped gripping onto the boat and let myself move with the water instead of against it, everything changed.

Surrender in Relationships: Are You Holding On Too Tight?

How often do we do this in relationships?

We cling to old versions of people—even when they’ve changed.
We hold on to past wounds—even when healing is an option.
We fight to control how people show up for us—instead of accepting them as they are.

We grip onto the idea that things should be a certain way, and when they’re not, we feel uneasy, unsettled—maybe even resentful.

We resist the natural flow of relationships, hoping that if we just try harder, hold on tighter, or fight louder, we can stop things from shifting.

But what if, instead of resisting, we accepted?
What if, instead of controlling, we were present?

I was reminded of this lesson again in the moment captured in the photo below.

The 4-Year-Old Who Reminded Me How to Surrender

On that same trip to the Philippines, my 4-year-old nephew fought against his sleepiness with everything he had.

He was overtired, overstimulated, and pushing through to keep up with the adults. And then—after grumpiness, crying, and frustration—he finally surrendered. He stopped fighting against what was inevitable, and in that moment, I was able to hold and support him because he was no longer resisting what was present.

The same way the ocean held me up when I stopped fighting it.

Surrender Isn’t Weakness—It’s the Ultimate Strength

Surrender isn’t about giving up.

It’s about releasing what’s outside your control so you can move forward with clarity, energy, and peace.

We talk a lot about healing, love, and growth—but what if surrender is the missing piece?

✔ In relationships
✔ In personal transformation
✔ In breaking free from past versions of ourselves

The ocean will always move. The people in our lives will always grow and change.
And when we fight against what we cannot control, we only create more suffering.

So I’ll ask you the same question I asked myself: What do you need to surrender to right now?

P.S. If this resonated with you, share it with a friend who might need this reminder too. And when you're ready, here’s how we can work together:

1. Private Coaching - Two spots are currently open for March!
2. Mindless to Mindful Courses  - Take your learning deeper by embodying the teachings with courses, 2-week challenges, workbooks, meditations, and live calls with Melanie each month!
3. Team Training - I'll create a customized workshop for your team to better enhance their communication and emotional intelligence, teaching them to become better team members and leaders.